However, when you are a caregiver, that list may fly right out the window. My husbands pain doesn't know what I have on my list of things to accomplish today. I admit, I am not always gracious in that situation. I may pout because I have to add things to my list that he was going to handle. Sometimes I go with the flow. That always means that there are things on my list that remain undone. Sometimes I don't get the grocery shopping done. My den floor isn't vacuumed. The towels stay in the hamper to be folded.
What I think is important to say to caregivers is this is OK. The efforts you make to take care of your husband, child or parent is important. Sometimes even critical to be done FIRST. Sometimes, I tend to beat myself up for not getting all of my list finished. Even if I added 10 things to it. You feel failure. What we need to learn is that we probably put way too much on our plate. I need to learn that as a caregiver to two people, I need to limit my lists. Most days, something will occur that sends me a different direction than my list. For example, one day not long ago, I was going to clean my house. But a minor problem with my Mom's oxygen took me to her house. Since I was going that way, I needed a few things from the grocery store and decided to go today instead of tomorrow. I was gone much longer than I intended and when I returned it was almost dinner time. So instead of going out like we had planned, we just grilled out. And guess what - my house did not get cleaned. Yes, I was disappointed. Yes, I was a little frustrated. But I need to learn that my Best Laid Plans aren't always what need to happen. I needed to be there for my Mom's need. I needed to sit tonight after dinner and listen to something my husband was working on. He needed a sounding board. Those are the things that are important. Those should be my LIST. As caregivers, we need to give ourselves a break from the failure of not getting it all done. We have given a much bigger gift to the one we love. Give that gift to yourself, as well.
