Change of Scenery

Have you ever been sick and just wanted to get better so you could take a drive in your car? You just wanted to get out of the house and stop looking at the same four walls.  Or walking down the same hallway to another four walls?  Imagine that same situation if you are in chronic pain or have a life long illness that keeps you inside or from going many places.  It would be hard!

This weekend we were blessed to be able to go to our daughter and son-in-law's in Raleigh! This was the first time that Dick went to see their apartment and went with me for the visit!  No, he didn't feel the greatest! He actually never left the apartment once we got back from dinner on Friday evening, but it was a wonderful change of scenery for him!  He was able to watch basketball with Tanner and spend some time with them before they move to NYC.  He is totally worn out today, but it was totally worth it.

Today we are headed to Forest City to see our newest Grandchild on ultrasound and find out the sex of the baby!  We are all really excited.  Afterwards we are having a Gender Reveal Party (apparently the newest thing).My mother doesn't drive anymore and doesn't get out very often, but I will go and pick her up and make sure she is there with bells on to find out the gender of her newest great-grandchild.  Yes, she will be worn out, but this too, will be totally worth the time and effort for her and for me!

The point is when you are not well and are inside your home the majority of the time, you need to occasionally have a change of scenery!  I know that some people are not able to get out of bed, but if you have any sort of mobility, use it til you can't!  Get up and look out the front door, walk out on the porch, go out and sit on a deck!  Do anything that changes your routine.  If you are blessed to be able, get in the car and go for a drive.  As a caregiver, try to not see this is a chore!   Look at it as a change of scenery for yourself as well.   And think of it as a blessing for you!  You get out of the house, too!   Along the way, you blessing the other person with an outing, will become a blessing to you!

Pain

Pain! Webster defines it as:

¹pain

 noun \ˈpān\

: the physical feeling caused by disease, injury, or something that hurts the body

: mental or emotional suffering : sadness caused by some emotional or mental problem

: someone or something that causes trouble or makes you feel annoyed or angry

Yes, pain is a constant in our home.  In 14 years since my husbands wreck, it has gotten worse and then much worse. I believe for him this takes the form of each of the above definitions of pain.  He has physical pain caused by injury. Then the pain causes emotional suffering and feelings of anger and resentment.

As his helpmate in life, I endure these feelings with him.  I try to encourage him when he gets sad or discouraged.  I remind him of our blessings and such.  But for those of us who are caregivers, we also feel some of this pain.  We sometimes are crying inside while we encourage them. Often we are crying with them over the unfairness of the situation and the pain that never goes away.  And we may both handle it better on different days.

As caregivers, we sometimes have "pains" as described above, but have not been injured.  Sometimes we don't have the physical pain, but definitely have the sadness, the feelings of being annoyed or feelings of anger.  I want to say to you that this is normal!!  I really need to say to myself that these are normal!  Don't beat yourself up because you get mad at the situation!  No, it is not fair! Not fair that your loved ones are hurting, or that you have to help with it.  I encourage you to talk to someone!  Anyone that you can.  Tell them that it makes you so mad sometimes!  And that you are tired.  Take an evening and go to eat with a friend!  Visit your son or daughter if you have one.  Talk to someone at church.  Go to a counselor.  You need someone that hear your frustrations and let you have tears if you needed.  We need to admit to ourselves that these feelings are normal and healthy.  You should not feel bad about having them.  Just speak it out loud - to yourself if you have to and you will feel better!  And I will be glad to listen to you scream if you need to!  Call me, email me anything you need!  But remember, I may need to scream too!  :)  

Guilt

This morning is a "me" morning.  It is a fun morning.  I always love the little things in life and one of those things is having my nails done every three weeks.  I get to have a little time for me.  I get to be pampered.   I get to chat with a friend or two for an hour and a half. 

Today, however, it is a trip of guilt that I'm on as I go to the nail salon.  A call from a customer with an emergency order and an unexpected sick trip to the doctor wit my mom, are all on my mind.  These things are giving me that awful feeling of this is unnecessary!  This is taking time when I need to be doing something more important!   My husband is disabled from a wreck 14 years ago.  He does still help me in our business when he can.  On my nail week, I make sure that I have everything done the day before.  But today, no amount of pre-planning could help with the much needed item for a customer.  My husband graciously agrees to handle it - there comes the first twinge.  I know he can handle it, but I also know he is hurting this morning.   Then as I leave for my appointment, I get the call with the doctor appointment time for my Mom.  She has heart problems and breathing problems, so when she gets sick, they see her right away to keep away hospital stays!  So there comes the next twinge….I have to be there to take her as soon as my nail appointment is over.  No time to head home, check on my hubby or customers.  But this is something I have to do!

Now, after saying all of that about guilt, let me say that it is self-induced.  My husband assures me he is ok and can handle it.  And he can handle it and will.  Things with my Mom pop up from time to time and my sisters and I handle that as well.  Somehow in my role as caregiver for my husband and Mom, I forget about myself.   So today, I keep telling myself there is no shame in taking a little bit of time for me.  I will go and enjoy the time to just sit!  I will push the guilt away!